Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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