Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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