Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
