Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
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I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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