Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
