I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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