i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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