Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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