So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
