My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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