no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
two words: eviction party
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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