Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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