i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
