if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
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Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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