Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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