At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I need a beard to bite.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
