We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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