They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
