i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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