Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
