I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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