I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
