can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Drake has all the answers
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
