Tell her she can't have a vagina
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
