you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
