He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
