I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
