I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
