I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
