please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
