Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
