if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
