im about as happy as oj after his trial
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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