I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
