is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
