It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
