i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
