you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
