So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
