im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
