Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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