P.S. I can't hear my feet
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
