ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
can u get pink eye on your cock?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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