it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
