my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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