ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
