You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
