My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you mean i was at the winter classic?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
