she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize