I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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