Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
