I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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