Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
