I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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