Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
