Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
