There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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