strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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