bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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