i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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