You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
