he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
