I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
