God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
