if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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