I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
