This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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