They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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