Me too!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
