you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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