She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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