"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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