I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I want her autograph on my taint
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
