The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
