he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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