Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
