dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.