I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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