At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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