Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize