I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
