What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The adults are the big ones right?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
