I must be too annoying 4 u.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
