He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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