i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
